and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
