i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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