dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
