its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My ATM looks so different sober.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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