There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
