Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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