HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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