i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
