after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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