we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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