Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
