Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
