worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
