I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
