Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
