Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
