its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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