im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
