As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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