God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
