Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
