I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well you can't waste a boner
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
