apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
