I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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