She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
