i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
