So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
