If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
