I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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