pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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