You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
