i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
