I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
