My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
