I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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