so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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