AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
