im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
