I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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