So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize