I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
