Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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