Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
