I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
