why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ok first of all what the fuck
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
