i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
