I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
