dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize