my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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