I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
