I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
