okay pat passed out under dana's car
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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