No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
