Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
