Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
