Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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