I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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