sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think your dad took our porno
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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