my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
