I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
