Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you win again, gameday.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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