I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
