My pussy is not your playground.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
