it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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