All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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