you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
