Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
