a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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