You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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